Disordered Bodies
by Jack Balderrama Morley
Dean gets a golden shower
Don’t judge me.
This is the first video that came up.
I’m not into all…this. Yes, I tried piss play with a boyfriend once, but that was a long time ago—years ago, probably decades if I’m being honest—and I haven’t sipped the shitter chardonnay since.
I think it’s because I have a sensitive nose.
Worshipping Thor’s body
OK, so let it be known that I am a victim of our society’s adulation of muscly white men. I’m not proud about it, don’t think for a second that I am, but I just can’t deny that I like sitting back and watching this aspiring viking getting rubbed. It tickles that itch for me. Again: victim.
I know this video, too, I think I used to have the full thing downloaded to an external hard drive. Eventually Thor lays on a bench and a little guy straddles him and bounces on top, looking like little more than an extension of Thor’s prodigious penis. That’s half of what gay sex is—the best attempt at participating in Thor’s body. If you can’t have that body, the best you can hope for is being hit by its fists or pummeled with its dick—can’t blame a bottom for choosing the latter.
Tony’s size fourteen stompers
There’s something atavistic about foot porn, like a hurly-burly Breugel carnival—up is down, down is up, the pope the pauper, the plebe the plutocrat. All hail the foot! And has anyone ever sucked your toes for the better part of an hour? Heaven.
2 hot jocks film themselves fucking
These disordered bodies.
I know I’ve already disclosed my involvement in society’s collective delusion that these bodies are better than the others, and I won’t get into how fucked up that is, but what the fuck is with this shit. They’re just like the white boys on Instagram—abs, happy, in control—but with more visible dick. If life’s a beach, this is the rip tide.
Jerking off in nature
Here’s a palate cleanser: A fat guy jerking off on a tree.
God, plants are crazy.
There are so many different types.
Do you ever think about that? How there are so many different types of plants? Like, you could see a new one every day for the rest of your life and still wouldn’t see them all. There are more kinds of plants than days in your life. And this dude is just blowing his load on some poor sycamore. Wild.
Hunky daddy fucks twink
Dad-son porn is always the most poetic. What a gift to the homosexual race: the promise of a purpose to aging. What once was twink is now daddy, the little acorn cradled in the branches of the mighty oak.
“I’ve known love from both sides now.” —Joni Mitchell, obviously, after fucking a younger guy.
I used to fuck older guys until it got too depressing—I didn’t want to become them—then I fucked younger guys until that got too depressing—I just wanted to become them. Now I don’t fuck anyone but myself in various little ways. Try it, it’s fun.
Jake fucks his girlfriend Brooke
God, I feel bad for straight people. They can’t have sex without loading it with all that misogyny. It must be so boring, so sad to be a straight person. God bless. Next.
Gang bang in my parents’ laundry room
I usually like a setup with multiple players, but I can’t watch this—it’s too chaotic. Who are all these people? How do they know each other? Nothing about this is believable. This is clearly not in someone’s parents’ laundry room—why add that extra layer? And it’s in my parents’ laundry room—but who is the first-person here? There’s no protagonist in this ensemble, no narrative that I can follow.
I need to see someone I can identify with having a semblance of an emotional experience in order to spend a satisfying thirty jerking seconds thinking that someone could really feel something, that human connection is possible, that I won’t spend all my nights lazily masturbating, that maybe I could stumble through my parents’ laundry room and find a warm body or two and wouldn’t be so alone. I’m not going to find that here.
Fantasy Fuck: Logan Breeds Me Raw
This one is sweet—I’ve watched it before. They chat a little before the action, and the one is so nervous I think he’s actually not acting. My headphones broke so I have to play it very quietly. My roommate is in the kitchen, and I don’t want him to hear. The dialogue is my favorite part:
“You’re so hot.”
“You like to get fucked?”
A really big man asking if you want to get fucked.
“Would you fuck me?” asked plaintive and sincere.
I wonder if he’s drugged to be so unguarded. Or maybe it’s the power of being held in those big arms, those kisses on the neck, that lets you unspool and wrap yourself around something new, something safe and warm and reassuring.
I just want to be in, like, a sea of hot guys watching tv.
“Would you fuck me?”
I want you to fuck me. I want to lay back and let you fuck me forever.
Jack Balderrama Morley (they/he) is a New York–based design writer and the managing editor of The Architect’s Newspaper. They are also a queer, Güerx, Xicanx-Anglo fiction writer. Jack is represented by Danielle Bukowski at Sterling Lord Literistic for fiction.
