Being an introverted couple is hard especially when you’re invited to parties and you don’t really wanna go but you don’t wanna seem rude so you say yes anyway
by Shawn Berman
before the country went kaput, we got invited to your sorority sister lisa’s semiannual spring costume party in saratoga, and we were stoked to go because we had never been to a costume party before, so we stayed up until the early morning, researching all the top costumes that would make partygoers jealous and say something like: did you see so&so’s costume? that was such a great idea we should’ve thought of that ourselves! our costumes look so lame now grrr!!!
when i finally convinced you to let us go as the scariest thing that i could think of: a text message saying outside and someone who was still in the bathroom getting ready, i was proud because i thought this was the best idea ever; but when we arrived at lisa’s house it was obvious that we were trying too hard—that we missed the memo of dressing up as something fun and lighthearted, like a marvel superhero or your favorite character from the office.
and i’m not gonna lie it was a little embarrassing, especially since nobody understood what we were and every time we explained our costumes people were just like: oh ya that’s cool, and then quickly walked away so they wouldn’t have to talk to us anymore.
it’s whatever. we weren’t mad or anything, because even if we did dress up as something better, the party still stunk, because we didn’t get any of the inside jokes and the beer was piss warm, so we ended up just standing in the corner for the rest of the night watching our cats via a baby cam app. they looked pretty cozy snuggled up on the bed with each other that it made us sad to be missing out on so much cuteness, so we pinky promised, that under no circumstances, no matter how much peer pressure there was to say yes to some social event in the future, that we would never go to another party ever again. like, ever again. so moral of the story: be careful what you wish for, or something like that.
Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. Some of his recent work appears or is forthcoming in Hobart, Rejection Letters, and Stone of Madness Press. He can be followed on Twitter @sbb_writer.
