Damed if you do, Damned if you don’t
by Sara Potocsny
My memories keep trying to fuck one another, and my patience is growing so very thin. I have this one of a porch swing. The peach-colored porch swing at my pop pop’s, and in the memory the swing is just swaying there at dusk, no one on it or anything. I’ve found I can’t recollect that memory within hours of drudging up anything about Oliver, my first dog, particularly this one of him snooping for bones over the big boulders in the backyard without them becoming so entangled my entire day lay eviscerated, spent pulling them off other another, their colors running, appendages erect, the ages between them blurring, objects within them swapping frames covered in sweat and other matter, rendering me as fuzzy as I felt just the other day jotting down ideas for my five and ten-year plans. I didn’t think any disorientation could compare to what I feel when I’m conceiving of my future, but the newly discovered sexual vitality of these little guys has proven itself a worthy contender. Memories of chocolate have no chill in the company of those about baseball. Anything dealing with my grandfather an absolute mess around scenes of short rib. I’ve actually found memories of sex to be the least predilected towards the act. I have this one fucking this French guy in Budapest, nice guy, big hands, our bodies like fluid for faith spread out like pale jams across his soft yellows sheets, big sunlight pouring in through the blinds, that no one wants anything to do with. I realize it’s none of my business, but last week I tried setting that one up with a memory I have of Niagara Falls, specifically being on the boat in those big ugly ponchos, but even then, I got jealous and left it alone instead. Of course, I should stay out of it. And of course I don’t.
Sara Potocsny writes things in Syracuse, NY, where she lives with her son, Sol. She is currently an MFA Candidate in Creative Writing at Syracuse University, where she also teaches writing and sociology courses. She has one chapbook out called The Circle Room, published by Lover Books. Online she has work in or forthcoming in Hobart, Radar, The Racket, Rejection Letters, and others.
