We are proud to present

Issue Twenty-Nine

of No Contact

Action Figure
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Action Figure

by Christopher Boucher

I’m still not sure why I was chosen as the model for an action figure in the first place, but the company that made it — Soleil, Inc. — told me they compiled a list of the most depressing profiles they could find and chose mine from over a thousand finalists.

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The Obituary Writer
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The Obituary Writer

by Joe Kapitan

The obituary writer has writer’s block. No one has died today, she thinks. No, that’s impossible. Instead: no one died well today. Instead: today died unwell.

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The Natural Method of Dog Training
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The Natural Method of Dog Training

by Gary Fincke

For years, his mother said, “Accept no rides from strangers. Don’t even approach an unfamiliar car.” At twelve, he began to hitchhike.

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Baby Teeth
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Baby Teeth

by Lauren Cassani Davis

The doors to the Cancer Ward were sponsored by McDonalds. It was almost September—school started in two weeks, and I wasn’t ready.

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 Looking to read more?

Here’s the latest from Liquid Carriage. Dive into all the libations that carry us along, with sips of visual appeal, culture, color, vibrancy, intoxication, and of course, taste.

Find more features on The Remote Viewer.

Featured
Hot, Black, Pure: Coffee
Hot, Black, Pure: Coffee

Percolate, pour over, aero press, quadruple extract. When it comes down to it, I don’t discriminate. Long as it’s hot, black, pure. Oh, and hold the lid, please. I don’t get the concept of drinking through things. Drink it straight, open-faced. Fuck a cap.

The Elixir of Attitude
The Elixir of Attitude

It’s the best martini you’ll ever drink. Or is it? Technically it’s a spin-off: The Better Call Saul of martinis. E.B. White called the classic martini “the elixir of quietude.” Sounds like a snooze fest. I’m calling this varietal “the elixir of attitude.”

Naked & Famous: Not Me, The Drink
Naked & Famous: Not Me, The Drink

Officially listed by the IBA, the Naked & Famous cocktail strikes a precise harmony. A perfect mélange of old and new, retro and modern. Equal parts Mezcal, Yellow Chartreuse, Aperol, and Lime Juice, the innovation that pays respect to the Last Word cocktail, but isn't afraid to add a bit of flare, a bit of fun.

Here, Here: Cheap Beer
Here, Here: Cheap Beer

I love me some Goze-y Pozy Sour Ale from a nondescript oversized shack in Bushwick. Craft beer is good. That's the bottom line. But so is cheap beer. Another bottom line.